Ruminations
The very last language you want to hear your sushi chef speaking is Spanish. Just trust me on this.
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Seriously Gaffigan, the best you can do for an encore is rehash hot pocket humor after already reusing jokes for the last 30 minutes of your performance ? Really ? I want my 80 dollars back. 140 if you count drinks... I'll let the drinks slide.
Does anyone else really hate that fake eye-rolling moan that every TV food host makes whenever they try anything ? I mean some of that food has to suck. Just once I'd like them to spit it out and ask for water.
Has anyone EVER gotten that damn tab on the top of a cereal box to work?
Why does freaking everything in my girlfriends shower vibrate?
I hate that my girlfriend gives her dog purified water out of the brita filter pitcher. It's always warmish when I want some. I hate it!
You know you're hammered when your girlfriends dog is going apeshit in the middle of the night and not only do you not wake up but she's scared a robber is breaking in and yells at you in the morning.
It drives me insane when people say "on line" instead of "in line". How exactly do you get on a line in a grocery store? Are you on someone's shoulders ?
Ok this may seem lame but stay with me on this. Britney spears new album or cd or whatever is called "if you seek amy" which when said over and over again spells out f-u-c-k-me. The brilliance of that is making my day. How are we in a recession when people that can do that exist ?
I find it hilarious that my girlfriend and I got so blackout drunk last night that neither of us remember what we were screaming at each other for. But we still had the makeup sex.
I live in Texas. My father lives in Africa. He still calls me to tell me he sent me an email through "the gmail".
Someone texted me that we "minus whale" head to a local place tonight. Repeat that four or five times. Yeah she didn't know it was actually might as well.
What's worse being pretty much broke, or visiting your parents for Thanksgiving and your Dad having more money with one bill than what's in your entire wallet?
I've noticed that I've completely forgotten how long things take. This morning I needed gas and actually left my house an hour early and was honestly confused how I got to church so early.
I'm using one lightbulb for both my closet and bathroom. Unscrewing it and putting it in the other fixture. I can't believe that its been a week and I'm kinda starting to get used to it.
Taking a correspondence course sounded like a great way to get more hours done at one time. However, not realizing that it was a prereq for four of the five classes next semester and procrastinating till now, not such a good idea
I'll gladly spend five minutes fumbling my key into my lock rather than taking the 15 seconds to cross the room and turn on a light.
Have you noticed how your phone battery takes all day to go from two to three bars. But then in like fifteen minutes it's beeping cause it's about to die ?
My dad just got back from a trip to Brazil. While looking over his receipts for his expense report he had one that was all in Portuguese. He asked me to see if I could tell what it was for, it was for 400 pills of Cialis. Do I tell him, make fun of him, or be proud?
How do they continue to grow seedless fruits and vegetables? I thought seeds were an important part.
I think the reason I don't really get sick ever is directly related to how toxic my body must be from alcohol ingestion. That poor cold virus never stands a chance
Always make sure the Sharpie cap is on tight before using one to stir your beverage of choice. Although it did look funny bobbing in the glass dying my precious Goose grey...
Spiketv is running an all day Married With Children marathon. I can honestly say I called in sick and have accomplished nothing all day.
Have you noticed that at night the parking lot for the club seem enormous as you drunkenly try to find your car? I took a cab home (could not navigate the insane maze of cars) went back and my car was literally 30 feet from the exit of the club. And the parking lot was tiny.
Everytime I read someone else's rumination and its sad, I immediately open their profile to see if they're hot or not. If not I don't feel very bad for them...
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