I hate when people use a word or phrase and then tell me to "look it up" when I don't understand what it means. You clearly know what it means so stop wasting my time and fucking tell me.
41
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Sir, if you are biking on the lowest gear you are doing it wrong. Please don't stop though, its thouroughly entertaining to watch you take 5 minutes to cross the intersection.
41
gourmet points
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There is a big difference between being a man of your word, and being a man of words.
40
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They should have fast lanes at the grocery store for those of us who don't take five minutes to pick out a gallon of milk.
39
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You know you haven't gotten enough sleep when you wake up and your mouth still smells like toothpaste.
36
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I've realized that when I'm trying to pack, the reason I never get it done in a timely fashion, is because I am too busy telling everyone just how bad of a packer I am.
36
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White MacBooks are like pieces of hell for anyone with even the mildest case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I paid $1000 for permanent anxiety. Thank you Apple.
34
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Really? You have a new "concentrated formula" now in a container that is half the size of the original? Or perhaps that's your way of giving me way less product for the same or higher cost.
33
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With the new Samsung TVs you can tweet from your couch... Too bad I couldn't have done this since the creation of twitter via cellphone or laptop.
33
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I'm trying to dress a little better when I go out now. I'm still thinking Stacy and Clinton are going to show up and surprise me with videos showing how awful I usually dress and give me that $5000 shopping card. I want to at least look good then.
-It’s hard to believe it’s been thirteen years since I moved into the freshman dorms. I remember it was a tumultuous few days – exciting, nerve-wracking, and hot as fucking balls. As millions of kids across the country begin their own college journey this week, I can’t help but wonder how different their experiences will be from mine. My room didn’t have air conditioning, I didn’t own a cell phone, and Facebook was an actual, physical book with pictures of all the freshmen printed in it. Still, I think there are some words of wisdom my generation can share with this year’s incoming class – wisdom those snot-nosed punks will no doubt ignore as they go back to tweeting while on their school’s brand-new rock climbing wall.
-First lesson: your major does not matter. I have an Econ degree but I’m an author. Back when I worked on Wall Street, the guy crunching numbers next to me had an English degree. The only majors that employers notice are Communications and Sociology – both of which signify that you learned nothing in school except how to drink yourself into oblivion and never go to class.
-College relationships are not built to last. You may envision life after graduation with your boyfriend or girlfriend but it’s not gonna happen. The real world is filled with bills and taxes and careers and responsibility. Trust me, that sophomore who fingered you at the black light party is not the man of your dreams.
-Are you a surly meathead who wears wristbands even when not exercising? Congratulations! You are now a bouncer at the campus bar. You don’t even need to fill out an application.
-No one at school is more stressed than the kid with the 4.0.
-Fraternities and sororities are the stupidest things ever – unless you’re in one, in which case they’re the greatest things ever. Don’t bother trying to plead your case to someone on the other side, though; you have a better chance of achieving peace in the Middle East.